February | 2013 | Ransom Man

Monthly Archives: February 2013

February 14, 2013 · 10:00 am

Throwing F-Bombs

I must have heard or read this somewhere, because I can’t possibly be the first person to ponder the usefulness of the word fuck.

First off, it’s vulgar. We all know and recognize that. But I think we lose sight of that the more we hear and use the word. Rather like swearing in general, it becomes second nature.

I once tried to give up swearing for Lent, and it lasted about 30 hours. First swear word out of my mouth was fuck. Don’t recall the precise circumstance, but it didn’t take a pry bar to come out.

As a young man, I bought into the notion that salty language just added color to one’s voice. Now I have trouble reining in the rainbow in front of Aunt Fran, Aunt Teddy or anyone’s mother. Probably embarrass myself more than I embarrass others. But only when I bother to think about it.

The word fuck has multiple uses, some of them contradictory or confusing.

It can be a noun or a verb or an either/or, as in “So-and-so is a lousy fuck.”

It’s a frank and straightforward word for sexual intercourse. But why then do we “feel fucked” when we’re ailing or when someone does us wrong? Or why is it “fucked up” when something goes wrong? I like to think that having sex feels good. Beyond the glow, however, feeling fucked might be seen in terms of being in a subordinate position. Kind of a domination thing or manipulation, regardless of the activity. I guess being fucked or being a fucker rests on control. And when it’s not going your way, that’s when you can ask, “What the fuck?” in a bid to find out where you stand.

In summary, for those translating earthy English, keep this in mind:

Glossary of “Fuck” Usages

1. Fuck! (Simple expression of exasperation; also a little used and rarely successful mating call.)

2. Fuck? (Uttered in a quizzical sense, it means surprisingly good or at least not half-bad!)

3. Fuck me! (Acknowledgement of a mistake, whether true or not, often tied to slapping your own head; also, a demand for sex.)

4. Fuck this! 0r Fuck that! (Stop; unless spoken in a literal sexual context, when it means just the opposite.)

5. Fuck yes! (Firm affirmation.)

6. Fuck no! (Firm denial, or I wouldn’t do that if you paid me!)

7. Fuck off! Fuck you! or Go fuck yourself! (Leave my presence and go pleasure yourself till you’re raw but don’t enjoy any of it.)

8. Fucked up. (Confused, injured or ailing; also, under the influence of drugs.)

9. Fucking around. (Spousal infidelity, promiscuity or generally silly behavior.)

10. Fucking New York Yankees! (The despised baseball team.)

11. I’m fucked! (Faced with unpleasant consequences.)

12. New York Fucking Yankees! (The lionized baseball team.)

13. Wanna fuck? (Invitation to sexual intercourse; also an invitation to face slapping with Nos. 6 and 7.)

14. What the fuck? (Expression of incredulity)

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February 4, 2013 · 11:58 am

Super Reflections

(Photo credit: sinosplice)

I’m old enough to say that I’ve watched and enjoyed all 47 Super Bowls, and eagerly await the next one, which hopefully will include my team, the Seahawks. Never been to a Super Bowl, but that only means I’ve missed the hoopla, not the game.

Thoroughly enjoyed Sunday’s game as the Ravens held off a 49ers comeback. Has to rank among the best just for its down-to-the-wire finish. Game turned on a kickoff return and clutch defense. This could’ve been one for the ages if San Francisco had completed its comeback. Now it’s just one for the ages for Baltimore fans.

I was a football player myself when the Super Bowls started in the late 1960s and felt more personally linked to the action in those days.

Sorta like naming the presidents, I can pretty much recall every Super Bowl winner, although the order might be skewed. And like the presidents, I remember the early and recent ones best.

I grew up admiring Vince Lombardi’s Green Bay Packers and read Jerry Kramer’s “Instant Replay” as gospel. Read it on the recommendation of my high school coach, who was a big Lombardi man in his own right. Recall the scene in “Instant Replay” where Kramer talks about going out for ice cream at training camp and ducking around a corner when he spotted Lombardi approaching. Not that Kramer was doing anything wrong, mind you; he just didn’t want the coach to see him enjoying himself for fear of what he “might” say. Had a similar respect for my high school coach, who was a tough ol’ bird to play for, but a source of pride for me years later when I’d still rather eat a cigarette than allow him to see me smoking one.

Memorable Super Bowls for me include those involving friends who also played for my old high school coach: Curt Marsh with the Raiders in 1984, coach Keith Gilbertson Jr. with the Seahawks in 2006 and coach Bret Ingalls with the Saints in 2009. Always been a Seahawks fan, so the 2006 loss to the Steelers remains particularly vivid.

Before the Seahawks, I very much liked the Vikings coached by Bud Grant and the Cowboys under Tom Landry, in addition to Lombardi’s Packers. I also appreciated Chuck Noll’s Steelers, John Madden’s Raiders and Marv Levy’s Bills. Never cared much for the Raiders after the Madden days, or the John Elway-led Broncos when they were division rivals of the Seahawks. Not much of a 49ers fan now either for the same reason.

I like offensive football as much as the next guy, but I like good defense even more, which led me to embrace Minnesota’s Purple People Eaters, Miami’s No-Names, Pittsburgh’s Steel Curtain and Dallas’ Doomsday Defense in the 1970s.

Most Memorable Super Bowls

1. Seahawks losing to the Steelers in 2006.

2. Joe Namath delivering on his victory guarantee in the Jets’ 16-7 upset of the Colts in 1969.

3. Dolphins’ 14-7 win over the Redskins in 1973 to cap a perfect season.

4. Giants’ 17-14 win over the Patriots in 2008, spoiling New England’s perfect season.

5. Steelers’ 27-23 win over the Cardinals in 2009.

6. Giants’ 21-17 win over the Patriots in their 2012 rematch.

7. Ravens’ 34-31 win over the 49ers on Sunday.

8. Colts’ 16-13 win over Dallas on Jim O’Brien’s last-minute field goal in 1971.

9. Bills’ 20-19 loss to the Giants in 1991 on Scott Norwood’s missed field goal on the final play.

10. Chiefs’ 23-7 win over Minnesota in 1970 to give the AFL it’s second SB win prior to the NFL-AFL merger.

Most Memorable Super Bowl Plays

1. Miami kicker Garo Yepremian’s botched pass after a blocked field goal, and Mike Bass’ subsequent TD interception return, in the Dolphins’ 14-7 win over the Redskins in 1973.

2. John Mackey’s tipped-ball, 75-yard TD catch from John Unitas in the Colts’ win over the Cowboys in 1971 in the first Super Bowl after the NFL-AFL merger.

3. Jackie Smith’s dropped pass in the end zone in the Cowboys’ 35-31 loss to the Steelers in 1979.

4. James Harrison’s 100-yard interception return in the Steelers’ 27-23 win over the Cardinals 2009.

5. Mike Jones stopping Kevin Dyson a yard short of the end zone on the final play in St. Louis’ 23-16 win over the Titans in 2000.

6. David Tyree’s one-handed, top-of-the-head catch from Eli Manning during the Giants’ game-winning drive against the Patriots in 2008.

7. Mario Manningham’s clutch 38-yard reception from Eli Manning in the Giants’ game-winning drive against the Patriots in 2012.

8. Jacoby Jones’ 108-yard kickoff return in Baltimore’s win over San Francisco on Sunday.

9. Willie Parker’s 75-yard TD run against the Seahawks in 2006.

10. Joe Montana’s game-winning TD pass to John Taylor in the final seconds of the 49ers’ 20-16 win over the Bengals in 1989.